Making it

I had an epiphany last night. (Whoa big church word) OK, a Revelation...(Whoa big scary confusing book in the bible). How about an "Aha moment" (that's an overused corporate word). But you get my drift.

Since I became a Christian, I have been told over and over the God doesn't waste a hurt. I have a hard time accepting that one. When I am digging through painful moments in my past (or stupid things I did yesterday) I just don't understand how He could possibly use those things in my life that hurt, are embarrassing, or just downright stupid that I have done.

Remember previously I talked about accepting Christ, and then I thought I was gonna wake up a whole new person, with no issues, and it didn't happen? Well a group of "us" were talking last night in our Recovery Group Leaders meeting and this topic came up. We talked about how even for some, after many many years of being a Christian, some of the old habits, temptations whatever you want to call it were still hanging around. Stuff we had "given to God" over and over and over. And how it seems unfair at times, because the memories of hurting others or ourselves just has this grip on us and we can't shake it.

Well I realized that if God DID wipe our slate clean, took away all memory of pain, shame, or fear..well, we would be pretty worthless. How could we reach out to an abused mother in a shelter? How could we give advice to the alcoholic that is contemplating suicide, and tell them that there IS another way? What help would we be to the young girl using her body to get drugs? We couldn't do any of the above. We would look at them (I'm guessing with disgust) and say, "So sorry-can't relate. There's something wrong with you". Our heart would care less.

Even if you aren't a Christian there is something out there, that when you see it, hits close to home, makes you spittin' mad, makes you cry and cry, makes you want to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Whether you know it or not, that is the Lord working in you. He is preparing your heart. He is preparing you for some future event, where someone will cross your path, reeling from the same embarrassment, pain, or despair. And you can say, "I know. I understand. It sucks...but we can make it through it. I did, even when I didn't think I could".

Now I believe there are many answers to the question, "Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people" but this is part of it. It's bigger and we may never have the complete answer (not until we can talk face to face with Him), but it helps. It helps me to say, "OK Lord, I am hurting, I am angry, why...why....why...." and know that He is hearing and saying, "I'm so sorry this is happening. I love you and though it's difficult to continue believing that, I have found someone that needs your help. When you help them, it will heal your heart too". It may be 5 hours from now, or 50 years from now, but it will happen.

I know that I will have difficulty remembering all this when the next crisis comes my way, but He'll remind me..eventually. And I will be able to keep moving on....