Don't make me pull this car over!!

Imagine taking a cross country trip with a 4 year old.

You: Before we go, you better use the potty.
Kid: I don't hafta go.
7 miles down the road...
Kid: I gotta PEE RIGHT NOW. I CAN'T HOLD IT ANYMORE!

You: Oh look at the pretty fields, try and find the elephant in the clouds, aww did you see the baby cows?
Kid: We're going to fast, I can't see anything in the clouds, baby cows are dumb babies

You: Look! I got you a Happy Meal!
Kid: I hate apple dippers, I wanted french fries...waaaaah

Kid: Are we there yet?

Kid: I'm bored.

Kid: Are we there yet?

Kid: He's touching meeee...
You: There is no one else in the care with you.
Kid: Staaahhhp. Don't look at me.
You: BE QUIET! NO ONE IS BACK THERE! DON'T MAKE ME PULL THIS CAR OVER!!!
Kid: You're mean.



Get the picture?

Sounds like my christian walk... or crawl.

I think God tries to show me things, give me things and invite me to enjoy the trip of life. I am like the whiny kid in the back. He gives me good advice, and I often think I know better or that I can wait. When He pours out a blessing, it's not the one I "wanted" even if it's what is better for me. He has His creation all around me to enjoy and wonder at, and all I wanna do is pout and watch the blurs fly past. He gives me His word to learn, get lost in, and be comforted by, and I always want to do "something else". I don't want to enjoy the entire trip, I want to get to the destination NOW. And I want to blame others all the way there. And when God is trying to teach me something, I think He's mean, or at least isn't listening to me.

Thankfully God is a way better parent than we are. I think he would have left me on the side of the road by now.

For Marjorie

OK I am only naming the post that, because she is jones-ing for an update.

Let's see...

Kyle is leaving for California on Friday for 5 days. Trying not to worry or create images in my mind of fiery balls of airplane plummeting to the earth. Or a swarm of jellyfish taking him captive while he is at the beach.

Driving 'North" next week for work...not looking forward to it as usual. I want to be at home. I don't like being away. Weird...obsessive...whiny.

Picking up my children to bring back with me. Not looking forward to seeing the ex and having any spoken communication. Things are not well between us at the moment and the last phone call ended in a dial tone. Also, Chelsea is not too thrilled to be pulled away from her fun friends, Starbucks and whatever else she spends her time doing. Besides being 15, this is not going to add to the mood.

Driving to Oklahoma to spend a week in 100+ degree weather. Enough said.

Trying to think of fun stuff for my mom, 3 children and I to do. I know this sounds crazy, but I have a notion to bring the American Graffiti Soundtrack and we have a Twist contest in her living room. I want to spend one on one time together, and LAUGH. Haven't had a visit with my mother like that...ever I think, and we are over due. Besides, it will be a chance for my kids to get to know her too.

Hmmm...looking forward to flushing my toilet soon.

Working hard on the rehab of the house. Kyle's room is 99% done (LOL as I think about it, so are the other 3 rooms we did...separate issue). It looks fantastic and we will probably move his bed and "stuff" back in tonight. Joe will be pulling up the carpet in the living room and parlor while I am gone. Bye Bye Disco Supper Club look. (Marjorie can testify that I am NOT exaggerating).

We have been painting barns. OK we meaning Joe....

I should have a minimum crop of approximately 500 watermelons this year. Start putting in your requests now. Otherwise, they will probably just be left on your doorstep in the middle of the night. Who knew those things went wild? I'm new at all this. Note to self: Plant 2 watermelon plants next year TOPS. One Plant does not = One fruit. Ha ha. Just visualize it.

Church picnic is Sunday. I signed up for softball. Why do I let those people guilt me into doing these things? Got an update on this one- we are playing with the 16" squishy ball. So we are all gonna suck. Yea me!

Ummm that oughta do it for now. Something funny and inspirational will hit me... before Christmas I am sure.

I am pretty open about how screwed up I am. Or was....No am is more like it.
Maybe it's years of therapy, but to talk about the mistakes I've made and the damage it's done, is pretty easy for me. One on one especially, but if we keep it in a tight circle (like my CR group), I am still OK. BUT..

We are going to be opening up our Recovery ministry to the public soon. The pastor is going to be preaching about it for about 4 weeks in preparation.During this 4 week sermon series, the leader of our group is asking each of the women to give their testimony. For those of you unfamiliar with church lingo, this means you stand up in front of the congregation and give your life story. Well the shortened version of course. You usually talk about what your life was...and how after receiving Christ you have changed, and what God has taught you.

At first, I said, "No way." But as someone else always tells me, "Tina I know you, you say No, no, no and then you do it anyway." Well, she's right. I have been thinking about it. Still praying on it but I am leaning towards doing it. But I am a little nervous, and unsure what exactly to share. It's not like, it's open mic and I need to pour out all the gory details.

I heard something yesterday that was actually the turning point in my decision. 2 little words help me see how I could do this. I heard , "the 2 best words in the bible are...But God..." Hmmm. I may just have to steal that shamelessly. So I don't have my thoughts in order yet, but be on the look out. I am probably going to share this with you guys first. Just to see...

Happy Monday and ponder your life a while, in the context of But God...you may be surprised at what you find.

It's very hard for me to be good.

No, No, I know you don't believe it! But it's true! It doesn't come naturally.

I don't look at others and automatically see them in the way their Creator does. I see the icky, irritating, obnoxious parts of them, and it drives me nuts.

I at one time probably held the World record on how many swear words could be used in one statement..without even trying!

I was in a discussion with a bunch of women yesterday (which was wonderful in itself, I miss friendship...another topic) and we were talking about how we keep the right perspective in our lives. You know, like how he don't let those obnoxious individuals get us down.

I shared something that helps me. When I first became a christian someone asked me a question. And I was probably doing something awful and obnoxious, but she said to me, "Are you sure that's what you want to be doing when Jesus comes back?"

WHAT???? I've got a long time to get things straight sister, don't you worry!

Well..do I? The Bible says that He will come like a thief in the night, quietly, without warning. I could be sitting here typing to you now and by the next time I hit 'Enter' boom...He's coming. Now don't get me wrong. I can't wait for that day. And I hope it happens in my life time (I think).

But that warning pops into my mind at the strangest times...like when I am driving down the Intersate at 85 mph.

So here's a list of things I don't want to be caught doing by Jesus upon His return:

1. This is the biggest...Having sex.
I know ALL things are permissable in the marriage bed. Yes, I said ALL things (all the husbands are grinning from ear to ear right about now). BUT there are just some things I don't need Jesus seeing. I mean come on!! How embarrasing!! Besides, when the trumpets are blaring announcing His coming, I don't want to miss it as I am tripping trying to put my underwear back on!!

2. Being lazy.
Do I really want to be obsessing over Facebook while the dishes sit in the sink, and the laundry is piled up? If the King were coming to my house for dinner...well, let's just say I've got a lot of things I should be doing to make my house presentable. None of those includes updating my "status" on FB.

3. Throwing a temper tantrum.
No, not like a 3 year old. OK, well maybe it resembles that a bit. But sometimes my husband or children, or people (lol) get me all ticked off, and instead of biting my tongue, counting to ten, saying a prayer, I lash out! I say mean things to "get even" for the hurt they are causing me. So as the doorbell rings, and I am screaming, "You lazy blankety-blank", and then open the door with my best Stepford wife smile, and coo , "Helloooo, how good to see you..." I don't think Jesus will be fooled.

4. Gossiping.
Yes yes. Gossip. I think it is the devil's favorite trick. Honestly. We are so easily lured into it, we hardly even notice. He sets those people in front of us. We think we are speaking out of christian concern for the mess they have made in their lives, or how unholy they are, or how snobby and judgemental they are (judgemental..hmmm). It's easy to think we aren't gossiping, and we cover it up, by saying, "Maybe we should pray for their poor lost souls..." But come on...Who are we kidding here? We are being judgemental and divisional and God does not like THAT AT ALL!

5. Going potty.
Enough said. Who wants to be perched on THAT throne, when the real King comes home?

So, there's a short list. Before I end, I need to remind myself and everyone else, Jesus is in the room when we are doing all those things anyway. (Hopefully, he has respectfully turned to face the wall in the bedroom).

Maybe I need to start thinking about the things I do from that perspective. Not what if He comes back when I am doing "this", but He is seeing me right now...what is He thinking?

I don't fear going to Hell, because I believe in Christ Jesus as my Savior. But when I do get to Heaven, and He calls my name, I don't want to be ashamed.

I want to hear the words, "Well done my good and faithful servant". Not, "Now Tina...about that time you threw the corn on the cob at Joe...."

OK, so just curious about something.

When girls watch movies, especially romantic ones, we identify with the feelings. Sometimes we get unnerved at "our" men for not being like the movie men. (There is a whole argument on why women should not torture themselves with romance movies and novels...but I digress.)

Sometimes we look at our men and sigh..we feel the love that we shared in the movie and we feel that passion and affections that were shared on screen, and we get ideas of our own. (Eyebrows waggling Grouch Marx style)

Men usually groan inwardly and outwardly when coerced into watching a romantic comedy, or drama. I am just wondering though...

Do they ever sit and think about what happened? Do they get emotional at all? I know they pretend to be dull emotionless fish often ( ok, maybe they aren't pretending) but I mean come on. They aren't completely dead inside.

Like when the best friends for 10 years finally realize they are perfect for one another, and thewedding to the wrong guy is broken up at the last minute run into each others arms and get married. Do they get the little lump in their throat?

When Mr Darcy and Miss Bennett run to one another across the field, and claim their love for no other....do they get a little misty eyed?

When Adrianne loses her true love Dr Paul Flanner, and is devastated... Do they shake uncontrollably with sobs?

Ok, I know the initial answer to that one is no, unless we aren't in the room.

I'm just saying. Men aren't heartless and cold (completly at least). They get pumped up in action films, do their heartstings tug at true romance? Do they ever see themselves through the film?

Maybe I am just expecting too much out of men. Just curious...

Another odd prayer

Usually I start praying before I even open my eyes in the morning.
The unfortunate part is I usually doze in and out as I am praying and repeat a lot of things.
I try and start by just saying, "Thank you for another day."
But then I run my mind through my day, and pray about anything that comes to mind.

This morning was another "odd" prayer. Odd because it is different than the usual. Odd because it made me realize something about myself that I guess in some ways I try and avoid thinking about. Odd because...well, now I can't stop thinking about it.

I prayed to laugh more.

I can't remember when it happened. When I stopped laughing that is.
Maybe it was when I stopped making fun of other people out of hatefulness. Maybe, but I think it was before then. I really don't know for sure.

I feel like I have migrated over the years to looking at the cup half empty. To letting the worries of "life" crowd my thinking, and they crowded laughter right out the door.

My husband is one who can really make me laugh. When I let him.

I don't think it even has anything to do with being happy. Because, I am pretty happy in my life right now. It's like I forgot how to let go, and joke, and play, and laugh. It's almost as I am too tired to laugh.

Like, "Oh! I would totally laugh at that right now, if I wasn't so tired."

??? I know!! It's crazy, I can't explain it myself. Again, I am just thinking "out loud" here.

So odd as it may be. I think I am going to keep praying. And praying with confidence that God will answer me, and show me the way. The path to laughter...because this is one thing I don't want to wait until Heaven for. I want it now. So I am ready...to laugh for all of eternity.

I've never prayed for forgiveness because I don't like someone before. But I have been. But I guess I should clarify. I do like her. Sort of.
Maybe I just thought I liked her when I first met her, but now that I know her better...I like her less. Not sure.

This is new for me. Usually, if I don't like someone, I shove off, and avoid them. I never felt bad for not liking them. And I know Jesus doesn't tell us we HAVE to like EVERYONE. I still have to treat her like my sister. But man...it's hard. I want to like her. But every time I try now...nuthin.

I could probably sit her and list off the reasons I am not liking her. And why I don't like other people too. There is really a reason...for most of them anyway. But I'll spare you.

But it got me thinking. I wonder WHY the people that don't like me...don't.

I'm just curious. I'm realistic enough to know that there are people out there, probably that I have contact with often, that don't like me. When they see me, the trigger in their brain goes,

" Oh no..not TINA again. UGH."

I know hard to imagine. I'm kidding.

Seriously, I have a pretty strong personality, and I can see it turning certain people off. So like I said, I just wonder about these things.

Good thing Jesus loves me. And He has the power to change those things about me that need changing. Of course, there are some that won't like me because of the changes. Sigh...can't please everyone I guess.