Provision

Almost a year and 5 months ago my life was in shambles.
I was a christian but....

My checkbook was empty.
My marriage was over.
The man I loved was on the brink of self-destruction and nothing could pull him from the edge.
I was angry.
I was hurt.
My children were upset and confused.
I was embarrassed.
I could not see past the end of the day.
I had no hope.
I was broken.

He heard the cries of my heart. His tears fell while he wiped away mine. He felt my pain. He felt my anger. He understood my insecurity. His hand was working in my life, though I didn't even know it. He was much more patient than I.

Since then, I have still had thoughts of despair. Thoughts that I was doomed. Thoughts that nothing would change. Thoughts of destitution and brokenness. Thoughts of fury and rage. Thoughts that NOTHING I could do would make anything better. The last part was true.
I could do nothing to change my circumstances. Except to get on my knees and beg. And I did.

Jobs have been offered when none were available. Doors have been opened where I once there were deadbolts and chains. Money has appeared where there were negative bank balances. Friends have been made when I thought I had left them all behind. Love is blossoming where there was once hatred and injustice. Light is shining where once there was only darkness.

Some on the outskirts of my life may think it's craziness. They may think I believe in the imaginary. They may see my situation and not see any hope. They look at my bank account and not see anything miraculous. But I do. I see the continual provision. The continual love. The hand of blessing. I FEEL His Spirit. To the outside I may look poor, unappreciated, foolish, and inadequate. But my cup is overflowing. He will not leave my side. He will not give up on me. He will not be defeated. I will be reunited with those I love. I will have peace. I will have joy. I will have hope. I will be picked up. I will be comforted. And I will be delivered.

I am honored to fall to my knees cry out in joy AND in pain. I bow down to worship a King. A Prince of Peace. A Redeemer. A Daddy. A Friend. A Good Shepherd. A Rock. A Lamb. A Savior. He listens, He cares, and He provides.

Psalm 40:1-3 "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, about of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.