My tendency to question has often rubbed people the wrong way. It took a long time in my current job to get passed the label of trouble maker because when management told us we had to do something, I'd ask.."Why?" I wasn't being insubordinate, I just do things better when I understand WHY I am doing them.
Like when you are a kid, "Why Why Why." The answer I hate most, "Because I told you to," or "Because I'm the Mom and I said so." OK but WHY did you say so?
I totally want to be on board with whatever the "right" thing to do is, but if I can't understand the reasoning behind it, well..it's very difficult for me.
There a ton of questions I want to ask Jesus when I get to heaven. Like....
* How did you "escape" the market without anyone seeing where you went? Did you use super powers or something?
* What were you really drawing in the sand when the adulterous woman was about to be stoned?
*Didn't you just want to crack up at the guys tearing a hole in the roof to lower their friend down in front of your face?
*Can I see the chariot of fire that you took Elijah up in?
*What's the funniest joke you ever heard? (OK I guess he created it...)
*Speaking of creation..What were you thinking with the mosquito???
*What is generational sin? Could I have done anything about it?
There are tons more that as I go about my day thinking, I mentally note that I'll find out someday.
Do you have any questions you just wish you knew the answer to? If you could sit and talk with Jesus, what would you ask?
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Whoa
God knows me so well. It seems no matter what I am going through He always seems to put something in my path to make me stop and say, "Whoa. That's just what I needed/was going through/was talking about." Today is no different. So below is something that I'd like you to read. This woman is a "professional" so she says it much better than I ever could:
It was the incompetent and the inexperienced being led by the inept -- the day our Sunday School Class worked on the Habitat for Humanity house for an unsuspecting, extremely grateful Vietnamese family. Among the crew were two dentists, an investment banker, a lawyer, an engineer, two pastors, a receptionist, several homemakers and a marriage counselor. It's always good to have a marriage counselor on hand when a home improvement project is taking place.The one-thousand square foot, vinyl siding house had already been framed by a team the week before. Today was sheetrock, or drywall day. The site supervisor's name was TA. That's all the information he gave -- just TA. TA became a Christian one Easter when he reluctantly agreed to go to church with his praying wife.
"I never went to church," he told my husband. "I was a mean man who worked seven days a week. But one Sunday I put on a suit and told my wife, 'I'm going to church with you today, but don't ask me to do it again. This is a onetime deal.' But Jesus saved my soul that day and I've been livin' for Him ever since."
That was TA. A country carpenter who had hammered more nails for Jesus than Noah and his son's put together. He grabbed his clipboard and began.
"Does anyone here know anything about dry wall?" he asked.
Jeff reluctantly raised his hand.
"OK, you'll be a team leader." TA checked the list and moved right along.
"But that was thirty years ago when I was in college," Jeff clarified.
"You'll be fine," TA said as he waved his hand. "Like riding a bike."
I could tell you many stories of the day filled with wacky work and lively laughter laced with caring community, but let me share just one.
Palmer was part of the sheetrock team. Like Rambo, he wielded his screw gun and popped those babies in the sheetrock like a hot knife through butter. Piece of cake. After several hours of neck craning, screw popping, dust in your eyes labor, Palmer took a fifteen minute break.
Re-energized, Rambo picked up his machine gun and once again attacked the ceiling. A lot of forgetting can go on in a fifteen minute break and for some reason the screws forgot how they were supposed to spin out of the gun and magically implant flush with the ceiling.
"That's strange," Palmer thought as he examined the screw protruding one inch from the ceiling.
He moved the gun over a couple of inches and tried again. "Maybe I just need to push harder" he mused. With all the force of a trained counselor, Palmer pressed the gun into the ceiling and pulled the trigger. Once again, the screw hung down one inch from the ceiling.
Like a tennis player who examines his racket after missing an easy lob, or an outfielder who stares at his glove after missing a simple fly ball, Palmer looked at the gun in frustration. "Something is definitely wrong with this gun," the mumbled. "I guess I need to push even harder." Palmer set his jaw, clinched the gun, and firmly pressed the screw gun into the ceiling. "I'm a man. I can do this. I'm going to make this work."
After a third attempt, a frustrated Palmer stared at a neatly placed row of three taunting stalactite screws protruding from the ceiling.
About that time, TA bounced through the room and casually commented to Rambo still holding his gun. "Hey Buddy, you might want to take that gun out of reverse."
A flush of embarrassment rose from the tip of Palmer's dusty shoes to the top of his sandy- blond head. He nonchalantly flipped the switch to forward and proceeded to shoot flush screws efficiently and effectively like nothing had ever happened.
Later, Palmer laughingly said, "Sometimes I'm not the brightest person in the world, but I wonder how many rows of protruding screws I would have shot into that ceiling before I stopped and even considered that the problem might be me?"
OK sisters, stop the cameras. Suddenly I saw myself staring up at those protruding screws with my baffled friend. "What's wrong with her," I complain about a friend who's let me down. "What's wrong with him," I complain about my husband who's not acting according to my plan. "What's wrong with them," I mumble about family members who are not living up to my expectations." In frustration, I continue repeating the same ineffective behavior, never stopping to consider the problem might be me.
Whether it's a string of jobs where you're always treated unfairly, a pileup of relationships that seem to repeatedly end poorly, or a series of marriages with spouses who've let you down...could the problem be...dare I say... you? We push harder. Press more firmly. Repeat the same ineffective behavior again and again.
May I quote TA? "Hey Buddy. It might help if you take it out of reverse."
May I translate TA the way I heard it? "Hey Buddy. You are the problem. You've got life in reverse. Turn and go in the opposite direction."
And you know what? That is the definition of repentance. To turn around and go in the opposite direction.
Palmer could have pushed that screw gun into the ceiling until its nose broke through the sheetrock. He could have forced those babies in -- even hammered them flush. Then he could have slathered a coat of sheetrock mud over the holes and applied a nice coat of paint. On the outside, it might have looked like the screws were properly installed. But the truth would come out eventually. The screw threads would have simply cut a hole in the material and the purpose for which they were created lost. There would be no grip of the screw threads into the drywall. No security in the construction. Just a nicely painted ceiling on the verge of collapse.
Oh friend, when it comes to a life that is not working, we can try harder, push harder, and even pound with emotional hammers to try and make it work. With a fresh coat of pretend-- a smiling face, spit-shined kids, and a well marked Bible, we might look OK -- even downright good. But underneath, the construction remains shaky at best.
But when trying harder is replaced with repentance, shaky is replaced by secure. If life isn't working for you, consult with the project manager -- Jesus Christ. Trying harder is not the answer. Pushing with more force won't get the job done well. Repeating the same ineffective behavior will only leave you frustrated. But relying on the power of the Holy Spirit working in us, God's love flowing through us, and Jesus Christ's redeeming grace surrounding us, well, that is the key to building God's ultimate habitat for all humanity.
Let's Pray Dear Heavenly Father, sometimes I just don't get it. I try harder, but with the same results. I repeat the same ineffective behavior and then wonder why I don't have more victory in my life. Help me to stop trying harder in my own strength, but start depending more on Your power. Show me when I need to turn and go in the opposite direction, and give me the courage to do so.
In Jesus' Name, Amen
If you like this, please sign up for the daily devotional http://www.girlfriendsingod.com/ A good friend of mine recommended it to me, and I have been touched by it ever since. Have a blessed day!
It was the incompetent and the inexperienced being led by the inept -- the day our Sunday School Class worked on the Habitat for Humanity house for an unsuspecting, extremely grateful Vietnamese family. Among the crew were two dentists, an investment banker, a lawyer, an engineer, two pastors, a receptionist, several homemakers and a marriage counselor. It's always good to have a marriage counselor on hand when a home improvement project is taking place.The one-thousand square foot, vinyl siding house had already been framed by a team the week before. Today was sheetrock, or drywall day. The site supervisor's name was TA. That's all the information he gave -- just TA. TA became a Christian one Easter when he reluctantly agreed to go to church with his praying wife.
"I never went to church," he told my husband. "I was a mean man who worked seven days a week. But one Sunday I put on a suit and told my wife, 'I'm going to church with you today, but don't ask me to do it again. This is a onetime deal.' But Jesus saved my soul that day and I've been livin' for Him ever since."
That was TA. A country carpenter who had hammered more nails for Jesus than Noah and his son's put together. He grabbed his clipboard and began.
"Does anyone here know anything about dry wall?" he asked.
Jeff reluctantly raised his hand.
"OK, you'll be a team leader." TA checked the list and moved right along.
"But that was thirty years ago when I was in college," Jeff clarified.
"You'll be fine," TA said as he waved his hand. "Like riding a bike."
I could tell you many stories of the day filled with wacky work and lively laughter laced with caring community, but let me share just one.
Palmer was part of the sheetrock team. Like Rambo, he wielded his screw gun and popped those babies in the sheetrock like a hot knife through butter. Piece of cake. After several hours of neck craning, screw popping, dust in your eyes labor, Palmer took a fifteen minute break.
Re-energized, Rambo picked up his machine gun and once again attacked the ceiling. A lot of forgetting can go on in a fifteen minute break and for some reason the screws forgot how they were supposed to spin out of the gun and magically implant flush with the ceiling.
"That's strange," Palmer thought as he examined the screw protruding one inch from the ceiling.
He moved the gun over a couple of inches and tried again. "Maybe I just need to push harder" he mused. With all the force of a trained counselor, Palmer pressed the gun into the ceiling and pulled the trigger. Once again, the screw hung down one inch from the ceiling.
Like a tennis player who examines his racket after missing an easy lob, or an outfielder who stares at his glove after missing a simple fly ball, Palmer looked at the gun in frustration. "Something is definitely wrong with this gun," the mumbled. "I guess I need to push even harder." Palmer set his jaw, clinched the gun, and firmly pressed the screw gun into the ceiling. "I'm a man. I can do this. I'm going to make this work."
After a third attempt, a frustrated Palmer stared at a neatly placed row of three taunting stalactite screws protruding from the ceiling.
About that time, TA bounced through the room and casually commented to Rambo still holding his gun. "Hey Buddy, you might want to take that gun out of reverse."
A flush of embarrassment rose from the tip of Palmer's dusty shoes to the top of his sandy- blond head. He nonchalantly flipped the switch to forward and proceeded to shoot flush screws efficiently and effectively like nothing had ever happened.
Later, Palmer laughingly said, "Sometimes I'm not the brightest person in the world, but I wonder how many rows of protruding screws I would have shot into that ceiling before I stopped and even considered that the problem might be me?"
OK sisters, stop the cameras. Suddenly I saw myself staring up at those protruding screws with my baffled friend. "What's wrong with her," I complain about a friend who's let me down. "What's wrong with him," I complain about my husband who's not acting according to my plan. "What's wrong with them," I mumble about family members who are not living up to my expectations." In frustration, I continue repeating the same ineffective behavior, never stopping to consider the problem might be me.
Whether it's a string of jobs where you're always treated unfairly, a pileup of relationships that seem to repeatedly end poorly, or a series of marriages with spouses who've let you down...could the problem be...dare I say... you? We push harder. Press more firmly. Repeat the same ineffective behavior again and again.
May I quote TA? "Hey Buddy. It might help if you take it out of reverse."
May I translate TA the way I heard it? "Hey Buddy. You are the problem. You've got life in reverse. Turn and go in the opposite direction."
And you know what? That is the definition of repentance. To turn around and go in the opposite direction.
Palmer could have pushed that screw gun into the ceiling until its nose broke through the sheetrock. He could have forced those babies in -- even hammered them flush. Then he could have slathered a coat of sheetrock mud over the holes and applied a nice coat of paint. On the outside, it might have looked like the screws were properly installed. But the truth would come out eventually. The screw threads would have simply cut a hole in the material and the purpose for which they were created lost. There would be no grip of the screw threads into the drywall. No security in the construction. Just a nicely painted ceiling on the verge of collapse.
Oh friend, when it comes to a life that is not working, we can try harder, push harder, and even pound with emotional hammers to try and make it work. With a fresh coat of pretend-- a smiling face, spit-shined kids, and a well marked Bible, we might look OK -- even downright good. But underneath, the construction remains shaky at best.
But when trying harder is replaced with repentance, shaky is replaced by secure. If life isn't working for you, consult with the project manager -- Jesus Christ. Trying harder is not the answer. Pushing with more force won't get the job done well. Repeating the same ineffective behavior will only leave you frustrated. But relying on the power of the Holy Spirit working in us, God's love flowing through us, and Jesus Christ's redeeming grace surrounding us, well, that is the key to building God's ultimate habitat for all humanity.
Let's Pray Dear Heavenly Father, sometimes I just don't get it. I try harder, but with the same results. I repeat the same ineffective behavior and then wonder why I don't have more victory in my life. Help me to stop trying harder in my own strength, but start depending more on Your power. Show me when I need to turn and go in the opposite direction, and give me the courage to do so.
In Jesus' Name, Amen
If you like this, please sign up for the daily devotional http://www.girlfriendsingod.com/ A good friend of mine recommended it to me, and I have been touched by it ever since. Have a blessed day!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Spoiled Brats
Is your husband a spoiled brat? Mine is. He doesn't even GET how darn lucky he is.
I try to take pretty good care of him. I even buy his favorite things at the grocery store. For me it's like Christmas, when I come in unpacking the groceries, and I say, "Oh look honey, look what else I bought you!" He doesn't seem to get the same joy out of it as I do.
I just wonder if they really appreciate it. I am sure they do, since they notice when their salsa is gone, or there aren't any more All Beef Hot Dogs.
I just got my husband a $200 phone...for free. Using MY upgrade on my cellphone for HIM. I'm really OK that I'm not getting a new phone. To me, it's just a phone. But it just irks me to no end that they are always so well taken care of and don't even realize it.
Is it just me? What special little things do you do for your hubby? Does he notice? (And not just when you don't) Just curious.
I love him so much in spite of the fact that he is clueless. Maybe the fact that he really would be lost without me is enough. HA HA
I try to take pretty good care of him. I even buy his favorite things at the grocery store. For me it's like Christmas, when I come in unpacking the groceries, and I say, "Oh look honey, look what else I bought you!" He doesn't seem to get the same joy out of it as I do.
I just wonder if they really appreciate it. I am sure they do, since they notice when their salsa is gone, or there aren't any more All Beef Hot Dogs.
I just got my husband a $200 phone...for free. Using MY upgrade on my cellphone for HIM. I'm really OK that I'm not getting a new phone. To me, it's just a phone. But it just irks me to no end that they are always so well taken care of and don't even realize it.
Is it just me? What special little things do you do for your hubby? Does he notice? (And not just when you don't) Just curious.
I love him so much in spite of the fact that he is clueless. Maybe the fact that he really would be lost without me is enough. HA HA
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Stretching
Today is going to be a day of stretching. No not like limbering up before a marathon (as if I would ever do such a ridiculous thing as that). Stretching inside. Stretching my personality, stretching my behavior, stretching my comfort zone.
You see my husband and I are taking 4 little 7 year olds to a fun park. That in itself is amazing because we don't often "go" anywhere. Adding to that I really don't like kids very much. (Now now don't start we can have another post about how terrible that is.)
The thing is the 4 wee ones we are travelling with today are BOYS. Don't get me wrong, I love my son(s) very very much. I have a very good relationship with both of them, and I show them I love them in many ways. It's just that I am not a good "boys mom". It's weird and foreign to me, and goes completely against my own personality. I don't love super heroes. I don't wrestle on the floor. I don't want to play football with them in the yard. I can not play video games to save my life, and I am not thrilled with finding frog parts, rocks, gum, sticks, BBs, or screws in my washing machine after they were forgotten in someone's pocket. I wish I were a more outgoing, tumble in the grass, hey let's go sledding, tag your It kind of mom. It's just so not my nature. Usually I just accept that (even though I feel terribly guilty) and tell them "Ask your Dad to sword fight and karate chop you". But today I am determined to step out of my shell and BE the kind of Mom I long to be.
I am going to ride the go-carts.
I am going to play Laz-R-Tag
I am going to try and not frown with disapproval when they fart and laugh.
Ugh. I'm scared already. So my prayer today is for God to give me the grace and courage to be the kind of mom I so often long to be. One that is laughing, playing and showing their little men how important they are. And letting them be boys, and doing it with them.
You see my husband and I are taking 4 little 7 year olds to a fun park. That in itself is amazing because we don't often "go" anywhere. Adding to that I really don't like kids very much. (Now now don't start we can have another post about how terrible that is.)
The thing is the 4 wee ones we are travelling with today are BOYS. Don't get me wrong, I love my son(s) very very much. I have a very good relationship with both of them, and I show them I love them in many ways. It's just that I am not a good "boys mom". It's weird and foreign to me, and goes completely against my own personality. I don't love super heroes. I don't wrestle on the floor. I don't want to play football with them in the yard. I can not play video games to save my life, and I am not thrilled with finding frog parts, rocks, gum, sticks, BBs, or screws in my washing machine after they were forgotten in someone's pocket. I wish I were a more outgoing, tumble in the grass, hey let's go sledding, tag your It kind of mom. It's just so not my nature. Usually I just accept that (even though I feel terribly guilty) and tell them "Ask your Dad to sword fight and karate chop you". But today I am determined to step out of my shell and BE the kind of Mom I long to be.
I am going to ride the go-carts.
I am going to play Laz-R-Tag
I am going to try and not frown with disapproval when they fart and laugh.
Ugh. I'm scared already. So my prayer today is for God to give me the grace and courage to be the kind of mom I so often long to be. One that is laughing, playing and showing their little men how important they are. And letting them be boys, and doing it with them.
Friday, May 22, 2009
The wrong voice
There is a story about a man whose son was very ill. He was possessed by evil spirits. The spirits have tried numerous times to kill the boy. They have thrown him in fire, off a cliff, even tried drowning him. The poor father wanted to save the boy and took him to every doctor he could find in the land. No one could help him, and other townspeople wanted the boy killed due to the danger he presented. Desperate to save his young son's life, he heard of a man healing others. He found the healer walking through the town one day and ran up to him pleading, and explaining his son's condition. He cried, "If you can, please save my son." The healer said , "what do you mean IF I CAN? Anything is possible if you just believe!" Well the father, surely stunned, but left with no other hope for his son replied, "I BELIEVE, please help me with my unbelief!" Jesus then rebuked the unclean spirit and it came out of the boy, who was saved from his terror. (Mark9:23)
I feel like that father at times. I believe. I believe God has the power to make anything happen, but sometimes, I question whether he WILL. FOR ME. Or even how he will.
Satan loves when we do this. When we show just the sliver of unbelief, it opens the door wide for him to shout. He shouts all right.
Lies. Discouragement. Revenge.
Meanwhile, God whispers.
Truth, Encouragement, Peace.
Satan shouts, "“Your broke, look at your bank balance, NOW what are you’ve really done it?
God Whispers, "Look at the birds of the air; they do not reap or stow away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?Matt 6:26
Satan shouts, "They don’t care about you, look how they treat you. You deserve better"
God whispers, "Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them was forgotten by God. Indeed the very hairs of your head are numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Luke 12:6-7
Satan shouts, "You better get them back for what they have done."
God whispers, "I am just: I will pay back trouble to those who trouble you and give relief to you who are troubled"
Satan shouts "See what trying to be good gets you? Some Christian you are…you are never going to change"
God whispers "Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong, for like grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away Psalm 37:1-2 and I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh" Ezek 36:26
Satan shouts "Your life is so screwed up –how you ever going to help others when you can't even help yourself stay on track?
God whispers "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:5-6
I was wounded emotionally pretty badly on Wednesday. I responded by lashing back. Acting childish. Reaching and searching for someway to justify myself. I was listening to the shouts. Yesterday while I was on the brink of despair, God spoke through some wise and loving people in His whispers.
Now I am shouting "I believe! Please help me with my unbelief!" And I am feeling better already.
Don't listen to the shouts. It's so much easier, but really doesn't get you anywhere. Take a moment. Don't respond just yet. Listen hard for the whispers.
I feel like that father at times. I believe. I believe God has the power to make anything happen, but sometimes, I question whether he WILL. FOR ME. Or even how he will.
Satan loves when we do this. When we show just the sliver of unbelief, it opens the door wide for him to shout. He shouts all right.
Lies. Discouragement. Revenge.
Meanwhile, God whispers.
Truth, Encouragement, Peace.
Satan shouts, "“Your broke, look at your bank balance, NOW what are you’ve really done it?
God Whispers, "Look at the birds of the air; they do not reap or stow away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?Matt 6:26
Satan shouts, "They don’t care about you, look how they treat you. You deserve better"
God whispers, "Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them was forgotten by God. Indeed the very hairs of your head are numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Luke 12:6-7
Satan shouts, "You better get them back for what they have done."
God whispers, "I am just: I will pay back trouble to those who trouble you and give relief to you who are troubled"
Satan shouts "See what trying to be good gets you? Some Christian you are…you are never going to change"
God whispers "Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong, for like grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away Psalm 37:1-2 and I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh" Ezek 36:26
Satan shouts "Your life is so screwed up –how you ever going to help others when you can't even help yourself stay on track?
God whispers "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:5-6
I was wounded emotionally pretty badly on Wednesday. I responded by lashing back. Acting childish. Reaching and searching for someway to justify myself. I was listening to the shouts. Yesterday while I was on the brink of despair, God spoke through some wise and loving people in His whispers.
Now I am shouting "I believe! Please help me with my unbelief!" And I am feeling better already.
Don't listen to the shouts. It's so much easier, but really doesn't get you anywhere. Take a moment. Don't respond just yet. Listen hard for the whispers.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Think about this for today
I am in the middle of a "Lord's Lesson". Ever had one? Well it kinda sucks. I know I will be better for it in the long run, but man does it hurt while I am learning it.
So think about this for today: Who or what REALLY pushes your buttons? Not just irks you, but makes you furious. AND how do you react/handle it when it happens.
Until tomorrow...
So think about this for today: Who or what REALLY pushes your buttons? Not just irks you, but makes you furious. AND how do you react/handle it when it happens.
Until tomorrow...
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Where did 7 years go?
Today is my youngest son's birthday. He's 7. Where did the time go?
7 years 9 months ago, I was one of the most miserable people on the planet. It was right after 9/11, but I had other travesties on my mind. I was knocked up. Yes, pregnant, pretty alone, and totally freaked out. What were people going to think? What was I gonna do? What was my dad gonna say?
I walked around pretty much in misery for 9 months. Not a really great time in my life.
Oh...but God is good. He is soo good.
7 years 9 months ago, I was one of the most miserable people on the planet. It was right after 9/11, but I had other travesties on my mind. I was knocked up. Yes, pregnant, pretty alone, and totally freaked out. What were people going to think? What was I gonna do? What was my dad gonna say?
I walked around pretty much in misery for 9 months. Not a really great time in my life.
Oh...but God is good. He is soo good.
One thing that I keep tucked in close to my heart and will for the rest of my life, is something a lady told me when I was pregnant. I didn't know this woman very well, but as I was down in the office cafeteria, this big black woman came up to me, looked me right in the face, and said, "Tina, God don't make no mistakes." and turned and walked away. God bless her soul she passed away the following May. But boy was she right. My darkest hours have turned into my brightest joys. Thank you Lord, for knowing what I could never even imagine.
What a blessing this little man of mine is. Nothing can bring me joy like he can. He frustrates me to no end at times ( he a "little man" after all) but he is the most loving, kind, gentle spirit I have ever encountered. He is my biggest defender, knowing intuitively when I am hurt.
He tells me he loves me about 20 times a day. For no reason in particular. He has a soft heart for animals, bugs, frogs, rocks...the list goes on and on.
Kyle is gonna be something special someday. He says he wants to be a Pastor. I think it's fitting, but if he changes his mind, I am sure he will still be someone who touches peoples hearts and lives. Just like he has mine.
Happy Birthday Son, I am so thankful I have you.
What a blessing this little man of mine is. Nothing can bring me joy like he can. He frustrates me to no end at times ( he a "little man" after all) but he is the most loving, kind, gentle spirit I have ever encountered. He is my biggest defender, knowing intuitively when I am hurt.
He tells me he loves me about 20 times a day. For no reason in particular. He has a soft heart for animals, bugs, frogs, rocks...the list goes on and on.
Kyle is gonna be something special someday. He says he wants to be a Pastor. I think it's fitting, but if he changes his mind, I am sure he will still be someone who touches peoples hearts and lives. Just like he has mine.
Happy Birthday Son, I am so thankful I have you.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
In Memoriam
Today is the 1 year anniversary of the death of my Grandmother. Janney Allene (Shelby) McDonald.
She was born a poor farmer's daughter.
She had an 8th grade education.
She became a wife and mother way too young.
She was a hard worker and pioneer for equal pay for equal work. In her eye's there was no such thing as "women's work". She took a man's job, and did it better than any man ever could.
All this while raising a family of 4.
She had her own demons, and fought them daily.
She was thin as a rail and tough as nails.
If she didn't offer you a "baloney samwhich" she didn't want you to be there in the first place.
She was most beautiful when she was laughing. I love the way her eyes squinted up.
She didn't get pushed around, and she didn't like it if WE got pushed around. (I won't go into the time she staged a fight between me and a girl who knocked me down)
ALL of us have lived with her at one time or another. Even when she was done raising kids, she was still raising the rest of us.
She liked to putter. Whether in the house, or the yard. Always doing something. Even if it was just ironing her dark jeans.
She didn't always love us the way we wanted to be loved, but she loved us with all her heart.
She never gave up wanting the very best for us all.
Thanks Grandma. God bless you. We miss you. We love you too......
She was born a poor farmer's daughter.
She had an 8th grade education.
She became a wife and mother way too young.
She was a hard worker and pioneer for equal pay for equal work. In her eye's there was no such thing as "women's work". She took a man's job, and did it better than any man ever could.
All this while raising a family of 4.
She had her own demons, and fought them daily.
She was thin as a rail and tough as nails.
If she didn't offer you a "baloney samwhich" she didn't want you to be there in the first place.
She was most beautiful when she was laughing. I love the way her eyes squinted up.
She didn't get pushed around, and she didn't like it if WE got pushed around. (I won't go into the time she staged a fight between me and a girl who knocked me down)
ALL of us have lived with her at one time or another. Even when she was done raising kids, she was still raising the rest of us.
She liked to putter. Whether in the house, or the yard. Always doing something. Even if it was just ironing her dark jeans.
She didn't always love us the way we wanted to be loved, but she loved us with all her heart.
She never gave up wanting the very best for us all.
Thanks Grandma. God bless you. We miss you. We love you too......
Monday, May 18, 2009
Update
Seems I have been on a roll lately, posting good, funny and hopefully thought provoking stuff.
I am working on an idea right now, so for today, I thought I'd give an update on the farm.
Currently Ivan, also affectionately known as Bitters, is still with us. YEAH! Pesky booger that he is. He isn't very thrilled with me, because I am weaning him, from his ooh so good warm bottle 3 times a day. He now gets milk in the morning, but the rest of the day is trying to learn to eat "Sweet Flake" (a molasses, oat, corn mixture), and alfalfa hay.
Ivan boards with the adult birds. We have currently a hen and cock Bantam (very small but very beautiful), 2 Barred Rock Hens, a Cucomoran Hen, a mutt hen, and White Silkies 2 hens and a cock. Oh and the originals who started it all.. and a hen and cock White Brahma. I have been getting 3-6 eggs per day most days. Which Joe seems to be giving away as fast as he can. I have several folks at church interested in getting eggs from me too. I would still like to get a few more hens, just to up the egg production a bit.
Speaking of chickens, we currently have about 75 baby chicks. Well, they aren't really babies....more adolescents. They are hilarious. And LOUD. Cheep cheep cheep all day long. Our selection of chicks range from Black and White Silkies, Bantams, Black Jersey Giants, Game Hens and we also have about 6 Red Bourbon Turkeys. (Anyone who has heard my farm stories from last year understand how turkeys are NOT my favorites.)
We still have about 10 baby bunnies, that are so adorable, Golden, Silver, and Charcoal colored. Just the sweetest little things. One of the Gold bunnies had an infection and we kept trying to clear it up but it wouldn't go away. I asked Joe to "off her" and put her out of her misery. Next time I pulled up in the drive there she is running free. He didn't have the heart to shoot her. Good news is, her eye is all better..but blind. But she is super sweet and lovable.
One of our rabbits that we recently got as a stray had babies on the wire. We didn't even know she was expecting. Luckily Joe got out there right after she had them. After some frantic switching around of living quarters, we got her in a large pen WITH a nest box, and the babies are doing fine. Exceptionally actually. They are larger than any week old bunnies I have ever seen.
We still have the pigeons. As beautiful as they are, they will probably go to auction soon. We just don't have the room for them, and the large barn like cage they are in, we will need. We have 3 expecting Mama Rabbits, due in about 10 days!!
Hmmm Oh dear. How could I forget the kittens!! The cutest little things you ever did see. We gave away one of the females this weekend. She was a fat little grey puff ball. Kyle had named her Eleanor (Theodore Chipmunk's girlfriend). Then we have Socks (black and white with "socks" on), Chaps (black and white but it looks like he has black chaps on), Camo (tortoise-shell calico. She looks like she is wearing Camo and she is quite the stalking hunter) and Harley (short for Harlequin she is a beautiful tricolored calico and is the one in the picture at the top of the page.) We are keeping Camo and Harley, along with Mom (Kitty). Bandit-our little stray we found in the barn last winter is moving out to the Big Farm to catch mice. He is a Tom and having quite the time trying to kill the baby chicks and kittens.
And of course we have the dogs. Need I say more.
We are having a terrible time with Buffalo Gnats. I have NEVER seen anything more awful. They are worse than mosquitos. And when they bite me, I swell way up. It has been making working out in the yard near impossible. I got bit on the side of my jawbone last night, and I look like I have some inflamed growth. Disgusting. They hurt, and when I say they swarm, I mean they swarm. People are losing their livestock because of them. There isn't much you can do about them, but they seem to hate the smell of vanilla, so I have been dousing myself with my expensive Pure Mexican Vanilla just to cook a few brats. Totally sucks, but apparently they are here every year this time. I just hope they don't stay long.
Joe is painting the barns, and we planted a couple rose bushes yesterday. Along with that we have a blackberry bush, red raspberry, and 2 strawberry plants. It finally dried out enough in between monsoons to get the garden tilled. I am excited but nervous, because I don't have a clue what I am doing. So I am basically just sticking stuff in the ground and then hoping. So far we have Tomatoes, Red Peppers, Jalapenos, Broccoli, Green Beans, Zucchini, Squash, Cucumbers, 2 types of Sweet Corn, Muskmelon(for us northerners it's Cantaloupe), and 2 types of watermelon. So hopefully God and Mother Nature will do alot of the work, because I kill everything. :-)
Well Joe's over tending his dad's animals this week and we are expecting Scooby to have a baby tonight. OH! Delilah had a baby girl. Tiny little thing. I will probably name her Thumbelina. Completely precious.
Great Pete. That's alot of typing about...not so much. But hey, that's my life. Love you all. There is an open invite out for those who would like to come down for a weekend. We'd love to have you....but wait until the gnats are gone..trust me...
I am working on an idea right now, so for today, I thought I'd give an update on the farm.
Currently Ivan, also affectionately known as Bitters, is still with us. YEAH! Pesky booger that he is. He isn't very thrilled with me, because I am weaning him, from his ooh so good warm bottle 3 times a day. He now gets milk in the morning, but the rest of the day is trying to learn to eat "Sweet Flake" (a molasses, oat, corn mixture), and alfalfa hay.
Ivan boards with the adult birds. We have currently a hen and cock Bantam (very small but very beautiful), 2 Barred Rock Hens, a Cucomoran Hen, a mutt hen, and White Silkies 2 hens and a cock. Oh and the originals who started it all.. and a hen and cock White Brahma. I have been getting 3-6 eggs per day most days. Which Joe seems to be giving away as fast as he can. I have several folks at church interested in getting eggs from me too. I would still like to get a few more hens, just to up the egg production a bit.
Speaking of chickens, we currently have about 75 baby chicks. Well, they aren't really babies....more adolescents. They are hilarious. And LOUD. Cheep cheep cheep all day long. Our selection of chicks range from Black and White Silkies, Bantams, Black Jersey Giants, Game Hens and we also have about 6 Red Bourbon Turkeys. (Anyone who has heard my farm stories from last year understand how turkeys are NOT my favorites.)
We still have about 10 baby bunnies, that are so adorable, Golden, Silver, and Charcoal colored. Just the sweetest little things. One of the Gold bunnies had an infection and we kept trying to clear it up but it wouldn't go away. I asked Joe to "off her" and put her out of her misery. Next time I pulled up in the drive there she is running free. He didn't have the heart to shoot her. Good news is, her eye is all better..but blind. But she is super sweet and lovable.
One of our rabbits that we recently got as a stray had babies on the wire. We didn't even know she was expecting. Luckily Joe got out there right after she had them. After some frantic switching around of living quarters, we got her in a large pen WITH a nest box, and the babies are doing fine. Exceptionally actually. They are larger than any week old bunnies I have ever seen.
We still have the pigeons. As beautiful as they are, they will probably go to auction soon. We just don't have the room for them, and the large barn like cage they are in, we will need. We have 3 expecting Mama Rabbits, due in about 10 days!!
Hmmm Oh dear. How could I forget the kittens!! The cutest little things you ever did see. We gave away one of the females this weekend. She was a fat little grey puff ball. Kyle had named her Eleanor (Theodore Chipmunk's girlfriend). Then we have Socks (black and white with "socks" on), Chaps (black and white but it looks like he has black chaps on), Camo (tortoise-shell calico. She looks like she is wearing Camo and she is quite the stalking hunter) and Harley (short for Harlequin she is a beautiful tricolored calico and is the one in the picture at the top of the page.) We are keeping Camo and Harley, along with Mom (Kitty). Bandit-our little stray we found in the barn last winter is moving out to the Big Farm to catch mice. He is a Tom and having quite the time trying to kill the baby chicks and kittens.
And of course we have the dogs. Need I say more.
We are having a terrible time with Buffalo Gnats. I have NEVER seen anything more awful. They are worse than mosquitos. And when they bite me, I swell way up. It has been making working out in the yard near impossible. I got bit on the side of my jawbone last night, and I look like I have some inflamed growth. Disgusting. They hurt, and when I say they swarm, I mean they swarm. People are losing their livestock because of them. There isn't much you can do about them, but they seem to hate the smell of vanilla, so I have been dousing myself with my expensive Pure Mexican Vanilla just to cook a few brats. Totally sucks, but apparently they are here every year this time. I just hope they don't stay long.
Joe is painting the barns, and we planted a couple rose bushes yesterday. Along with that we have a blackberry bush, red raspberry, and 2 strawberry plants. It finally dried out enough in between monsoons to get the garden tilled. I am excited but nervous, because I don't have a clue what I am doing. So I am basically just sticking stuff in the ground and then hoping. So far we have Tomatoes, Red Peppers, Jalapenos, Broccoli, Green Beans, Zucchini, Squash, Cucumbers, 2 types of Sweet Corn, Muskmelon(for us northerners it's Cantaloupe), and 2 types of watermelon. So hopefully God and Mother Nature will do alot of the work, because I kill everything. :-)
Well Joe's over tending his dad's animals this week and we are expecting Scooby to have a baby tonight. OH! Delilah had a baby girl. Tiny little thing. I will probably name her Thumbelina. Completely precious.
Great Pete. That's alot of typing about...not so much. But hey, that's my life. Love you all. There is an open invite out for those who would like to come down for a weekend. We'd love to have you....but wait until the gnats are gone..trust me...
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Fear
I am scared of everything.
Roller coasters.
Spiders.
Dying in a car wreck.
Making people mad.
Heights.
Losing my loved ones.
Swimming in the ocean.
Eating Turkey Eggs.
OK, that last one probably won't make sense to anyone but my Mother in law. I can't explain it. But fear grips me. I could probably go on and make that list very long, but some of the things I list, you'd really begin to think I had a problem.
Well, I guess I do. I am not sure how or when this terror entered my life or why, but it's here. And I hate it. I don't even limit my fear to myself. I am afraid for other people too. (As if they couldn't handle being afraid on their own). But I think that is a whole other issue-Me feeling responsible for everyone else. But I am digressing.
I have tried to beat it a few times. Like last summer at the County Fair. My fresh faced little adventurer asked ,"Mommy will you ride that big scary twirling cage of death with me?"(I might be paraphrasing there) How could I resist? Well I tried it. I put on my brave face. The Bible says we were not created with a spirit of fear, and He is with us always. So Kyle, Jesus and I climbed onto the ride. I vaguely remember my son's innocent laughter and glee, but it's kind of fuzzy. You see, as we were whizzing over the treetops and the big blue sky with white puffy clouds flew before my eyes, I was screaming, "Lord, Jesus! Please help me, don't let me die. We are gonna die..Oh Jesus." Yeah..... I had visions of a crazy escape convict carney setting up the ride, and forgetting to tighten one of the screws and any moment, my precious child and I were going to be thrown loose and rocketing through the sky landing somewhere in Schuyler County. It's ridiculous.
Maybe my husband has subjected me to too many horror flicks. Not sure. I long for my daughter to travel Europe, study abroad and take advantage of so many opportunities than many of us do not have. But then my mind flashes to "Hostel", Wrong Turn","Taken". Then I say "NO, stay in your safe little environment, don't take a chance." (Not that Kenosha is all that safe either, but at least it's familiar.)
I have been asked to mentor a girl. I was excited for an opportunity to make a difference, but now...I am scared. Scared of getting hurt. Scared of being lied to. Scared of being around people that aren't like me. It's debilitating.
It's stupid.
I feel like there is so much that God wants us to experience in this life. He doesn't want us to sit in the pew where it's safe. He wants us to trust. He wants us to help. He wants us to go out and reach others (even in war-torn Ghana...yikes) I hear people talk of their adventures, and see the sparkle in their eyes, and the huge grin on their face...I want to be like that.
So I may not get the nerve to go on a Zip-Line tour of the Costa Rican forest anytime soon (I know someone who did and I am so jealous). I may not swim with the dolphins at Sea World. I may not scramble that big bumpy egg in my refrigerator tomorrow. But hopefully, if I keep talking about this, praying about it, and trying to conquer it, I can share stories with my grand kids one day, and inspire them.
Hopefully I won't be eaten alive by a colony of spiders in my sleep, or plummet to my death in an elevator, or be chased by a demonic semi truck, or taken captive by cannibal head-shrinking natives of the Amazon...you never know...it could happen.....
Friday, May 15, 2009
Making it
I had an epiphany last night. (Whoa big church word) OK, a Revelation...(Whoa big scary confusing book in the bible). How about an "Aha moment" (that's an overused corporate word). But you get my drift.
Since I became a Christian, I have been told over and over the God doesn't waste a hurt. I have a hard time accepting that one. When I am digging through painful moments in my past (or stupid things I did yesterday) I just don't understand how He could possibly use those things in my life that hurt, are embarrassing, or just downright stupid that I have done.
Remember previously I talked about accepting Christ, and then I thought I was gonna wake up a whole new person, with no issues, and it didn't happen? Well a group of "us" were talking last night in our Recovery Group Leaders meeting and this topic came up. We talked about how even for some, after many many years of being a Christian, some of the old habits, temptations whatever you want to call it were still hanging around. Stuff we had "given to God" over and over and over. And how it seems unfair at times, because the memories of hurting others or ourselves just has this grip on us and we can't shake it.
Well I realized that if God DID wipe our slate clean, took away all memory of pain, shame, or fear..well, we would be pretty worthless. How could we reach out to an abused mother in a shelter? How could we give advice to the alcoholic that is contemplating suicide, and tell them that there IS another way? What help would we be to the young girl using her body to get drugs? We couldn't do any of the above. We would look at them (I'm guessing with disgust) and say, "So sorry-can't relate. There's something wrong with you". Our heart would care less.
Even if you aren't a Christian there is something out there, that when you see it, hits close to home, makes you spittin' mad, makes you cry and cry, makes you want to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Whether you know it or not, that is the Lord working in you. He is preparing your heart. He is preparing you for some future event, where someone will cross your path, reeling from the same embarrassment, pain, or despair. And you can say, "I know. I understand. It sucks...but we can make it through it. I did, even when I didn't think I could".
Now I believe there are many answers to the question, "Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people" but this is part of it. It's bigger and we may never have the complete answer (not until we can talk face to face with Him), but it helps. It helps me to say, "OK Lord, I am hurting, I am angry, why...why....why...." and know that He is hearing and saying, "I'm so sorry this is happening. I love you and though it's difficult to continue believing that, I have found someone that needs your help. When you help them, it will heal your heart too". It may be 5 hours from now, or 50 years from now, but it will happen.
I know that I will have difficulty remembering all this when the next crisis comes my way, but He'll remind me..eventually. And I will be able to keep moving on....
Since I became a Christian, I have been told over and over the God doesn't waste a hurt. I have a hard time accepting that one. When I am digging through painful moments in my past (or stupid things I did yesterday) I just don't understand how He could possibly use those things in my life that hurt, are embarrassing, or just downright stupid that I have done.
Remember previously I talked about accepting Christ, and then I thought I was gonna wake up a whole new person, with no issues, and it didn't happen? Well a group of "us" were talking last night in our Recovery Group Leaders meeting and this topic came up. We talked about how even for some, after many many years of being a Christian, some of the old habits, temptations whatever you want to call it were still hanging around. Stuff we had "given to God" over and over and over. And how it seems unfair at times, because the memories of hurting others or ourselves just has this grip on us and we can't shake it.
Well I realized that if God DID wipe our slate clean, took away all memory of pain, shame, or fear..well, we would be pretty worthless. How could we reach out to an abused mother in a shelter? How could we give advice to the alcoholic that is contemplating suicide, and tell them that there IS another way? What help would we be to the young girl using her body to get drugs? We couldn't do any of the above. We would look at them (I'm guessing with disgust) and say, "So sorry-can't relate. There's something wrong with you". Our heart would care less.
Even if you aren't a Christian there is something out there, that when you see it, hits close to home, makes you spittin' mad, makes you cry and cry, makes you want to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Whether you know it or not, that is the Lord working in you. He is preparing your heart. He is preparing you for some future event, where someone will cross your path, reeling from the same embarrassment, pain, or despair. And you can say, "I know. I understand. It sucks...but we can make it through it. I did, even when I didn't think I could".
Now I believe there are many answers to the question, "Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people" but this is part of it. It's bigger and we may never have the complete answer (not until we can talk face to face with Him), but it helps. It helps me to say, "OK Lord, I am hurting, I am angry, why...why....why...." and know that He is hearing and saying, "I'm so sorry this is happening. I love you and though it's difficult to continue believing that, I have found someone that needs your help. When you help them, it will heal your heart too". It may be 5 hours from now, or 50 years from now, but it will happen.
I know that I will have difficulty remembering all this when the next crisis comes my way, but He'll remind me..eventually. And I will be able to keep moving on....
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Girls
Well I am throwing something out there. My baby sister's adorable picture on her profile made me think.
Do you like long hair or short?
Have you ever dyed your hair? (I have been about every color in the rainbow...except dark auburn. I made someone else do that)
Does anyone really like their own hair? I mean every straight haired chick I know wishes she had curly hair and vice versa.
My dear Step-Mom lost all her hair thanks to the rampages of chemo and radiation therapy. I told her it would be cool if it grew back blonde and straight. (Complete opposite of her natural).
If you had the nerve to do ANYTHING to your hair what would you do?
I figure I am going to be mostly bald by the time I am old. I am saving up for my first wig.
Hot pink bob. I can't wait.
Your thoughts.....
Do you like long hair or short?
Have you ever dyed your hair? (I have been about every color in the rainbow...except dark auburn. I made someone else do that)
Does anyone really like their own hair? I mean every straight haired chick I know wishes she had curly hair and vice versa.
My dear Step-Mom lost all her hair thanks to the rampages of chemo and radiation therapy. I told her it would be cool if it grew back blonde and straight. (Complete opposite of her natural).
If you had the nerve to do ANYTHING to your hair what would you do?
I figure I am going to be mostly bald by the time I am old. I am saving up for my first wig.
Hot pink bob. I can't wait.
Your thoughts.....
DISCLAIMER
I, the author of this post am in no way to be held responsible for the comments of the readers! I apologize in advance for any offense taken.
Can't we all just get along?
Thanks
Can't we all just get along?
Thanks
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Wonder who this is about???
So this beeznatch stole my Dad's car. No, no, not some crazed out crack addict, from the 'hood, looking for her next score. His FRIEND. Or supposed friend at least.
Well, I am past the urge to go kick the living crap out of her, but I'm still pretty miffed. OK, more than miffed, but I am trying to be nice. (Stop laughing Jen)
I guess I don't have a lot to write about it because I am still going, "Wow. I can't freakin' believe it!"
All I do know is I am not yet able to feel bad for her(duh) and I really can't stop wishing Dad would have her thrown in the slammer. I'm done wishing her dead though...that was going no where and my conscience....couldn't take it.
I guess I should pray for her...uh....yeah...ok...not yet. But I will pray that my sister doesn't run into her. How's that? Better?
So if anyone followed a psycho blonde that was being escorted out of Miller Park on Sunday (yes...by security) and watched her throw a bunch of crap out the window and then leave my Dad on the side of the highway in HIS CAR-Let me know would ya? Dad would appreciate his car back...in one piece.....not burned to a crisp......Thanks
(OK I may get comments from my dear, sweet, very meek sister on this one. Those are sure to be way more hilarious than this post. One can only hope)
Well, I am past the urge to go kick the living crap out of her, but I'm still pretty miffed. OK, more than miffed, but I am trying to be nice. (Stop laughing Jen)
I guess I don't have a lot to write about it because I am still going, "Wow. I can't freakin' believe it!"
All I do know is I am not yet able to feel bad for her(duh) and I really can't stop wishing Dad would have her thrown in the slammer. I'm done wishing her dead though...that was going no where and my conscience....couldn't take it.
I guess I should pray for her...uh....yeah...ok...not yet. But I will pray that my sister doesn't run into her. How's that? Better?
So if anyone followed a psycho blonde that was being escorted out of Miller Park on Sunday (yes...by security) and watched her throw a bunch of crap out the window and then leave my Dad on the side of the highway in HIS CAR-Let me know would ya? Dad would appreciate his car back...in one piece.....not burned to a crisp......Thanks
(OK I may get comments from my dear, sweet, very meek sister on this one. Those are sure to be way more hilarious than this post. One can only hope)
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Home
I haven't written in a few days. It's not that I haven't thought about it, I just keep wanting to write something good. Big. Profound. I feel pressured to be sarcastic and hilarious like Jon Acuff on Stuff Christians Like. (But seeing as I emailed him for advice and he ignored me that isn't going to happen.)
So I am just going to type instead. No one is reading this blog anyway, so what does it matter?
I was in Northern Illinois for 3 days this week, doing the "corporate thing". Yikes. It was great to be back and see all my old friends and co workers (Thanks for all the awesome compliments you showered me with guys!) But all I kept saying was, "I wanna go home!" I haven't been in the country even a year yet, but oh my gosh, the difference! I would never have guessed that the lifestyle I have lived my entire life would now freak me out so badly. The rushing here and there to meetings, dealing with construction traffic, running late constantly, eating out 9 times in 3 days. My body was in panic mode. I was on edge, shaky, and basically just overwhelmed.
I felt out of place in my "old" casual work clothes. It felt strange to be pulling around my little laptop suitcase and carrying 2 cell phones. I was nervous presenting in front of team mates and managers. So I went out and got an $80.00 new hairdo (OK it IS super cute), and new clothes (I am in a size 8 for the first time in 11 years!) , pasted a coy smile on my face and became the Senior Department Specialist/Training Facilitator my email signature tells me I am.
Thursday morning I got into work early, attended 3 meetings in 3 hours, "did" lunch, led an awesome training class, and said my goodbyes. But Thursday evening with my sassy new look, I sped down Interstate 55 kicked off the shoes that were pinching my toes, tucked my hair behind my ears, turned up the Randy Travis and drove as fast as I could go- back to my dinky little speck on the map. Didn't even stop to pee.
I was filled with peace Friday morning, driving the 8 blocks to drop my son off at school and being back in 3 minutes, read my email at a leisurely pace, fed Ivan a bottle (he missed me so much!), cleaned house and anticipated my husbands return from work(he really missed me too).
I guess no matter where you live, what rung on the corporate ladder you are on, or how rockin' your hairstyle is, it's always just good to be HOME.
So I am just going to type instead. No one is reading this blog anyway, so what does it matter?
I was in Northern Illinois for 3 days this week, doing the "corporate thing". Yikes. It was great to be back and see all my old friends and co workers (Thanks for all the awesome compliments you showered me with guys!) But all I kept saying was, "I wanna go home!" I haven't been in the country even a year yet, but oh my gosh, the difference! I would never have guessed that the lifestyle I have lived my entire life would now freak me out so badly. The rushing here and there to meetings, dealing with construction traffic, running late constantly, eating out 9 times in 3 days. My body was in panic mode. I was on edge, shaky, and basically just overwhelmed.
I felt out of place in my "old" casual work clothes. It felt strange to be pulling around my little laptop suitcase and carrying 2 cell phones. I was nervous presenting in front of team mates and managers. So I went out and got an $80.00 new hairdo (OK it IS super cute), and new clothes (I am in a size 8 for the first time in 11 years!) , pasted a coy smile on my face and became the Senior Department Specialist/Training Facilitator my email signature tells me I am.
Thursday morning I got into work early, attended 3 meetings in 3 hours, "did" lunch, led an awesome training class, and said my goodbyes. But Thursday evening with my sassy new look, I sped down Interstate 55 kicked off the shoes that were pinching my toes, tucked my hair behind my ears, turned up the Randy Travis and drove as fast as I could go- back to my dinky little speck on the map. Didn't even stop to pee.
I was filled with peace Friday morning, driving the 8 blocks to drop my son off at school and being back in 3 minutes, read my email at a leisurely pace, fed Ivan a bottle (he missed me so much!), cleaned house and anticipated my husbands return from work(he really missed me too).
I guess no matter where you live, what rung on the corporate ladder you are on, or how rockin' your hairstyle is, it's always just good to be HOME.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Missed Opportunity?
Sometimes, I wish God would sky-write. Or breathe on my windshield and write in his breath marks. Better yet, just answer right out loud.
I was on a road trip today driving to Northern IL for work this week. As I was tootle-ing along HWY 136, I passed a hitchhiker. Not your average long-haired, looks like he has slept in the woods for a week hitchhiker though. No, it was a man, I'd say probably close to 65 or 70. He wore an old army cap, and looked very clean. He was wearing a back pack thing...I think. Well, I had this overwhelming urge to pull over and give him a ride. Now before you start lecturing me, I will tell you I DIDN'T. BUT, I wrestled with the idea for about 50 miles. My gut hurt from fretting about it. It's weird too, because as the car in front of me and myself passed him, he had this smile like, "nope knew they weren't gonna stop either".
I had quite a talk with the Lord all the way to McLean. Here were some of my thoughts...in no particular order.
1. Hitchhikers that are planning on killing you probably wouldn't be trying to catch a ride at Noon on a Monday.
2. If my husband or father found out, they would kill me themselves.
3. I am pretty sure the bible says, do not be afraid to entertain strangers, it could be an angel (or something along those lines)
4. God will protect me, and nothing will happen to me unless it is His will.
5. What if it IS His will, that I will be killed by a strange old man I pick up on the highway???
6. Best case scenario, I pick him up, offer him a bottle of ice tea and a cookie, and I drop him off in 50-100 miles. Whatever. Maybe I was really helping him out.
7. Worst case scenario, I offer the above refreshments, and he proceeds to chop me into little peices and strew them in the corn field along the highway. At least I'll finally get to meet Jesus, right?
You get the idea. It just seems to me that we can no longer help one another. We are too afraid. Or is it just me that is too afraid? Either way, I think that is a shame.
You get the idea. It just seems to me that we can no longer help one another. We are too afraid. Or is it just me that is too afraid? Either way, I think that is a shame.
I just told God today, that I REALLY wished He would just speak out loud and let me know what I was supposed to do. I hate to think I messed up an opportunity to help someone, because of fear. The bible tells us not to fear. But we do.
I did make a deal and said," ok, if You really want me to pick that guy up, then I will see him walking further up the road again. " Yeah nice deal. The thing is, then I would be too afraid to pick him up thinking he was some sort of demon with the power to transport himself.
Isn't there alot in life that you wish God could just give you a straight up answer to, so you knew FOR SURE, the right thing to do?
Friday, May 1, 2009
Listening
I am no math genius with equations running through my mind. I'm no CEO with underlings pulling me in different directions. I'm not even an energetic Super Soccer Mom running hither and yon all afternoon. Heck, I'm not even ADD. But I feel like it sometimes when I pray.
The Bible tells us "Be still...and know I am God."(Psalm 46:10). I have the "know I am God" part down. It's the "Be still" part that I struggle with. Talk talk talk talk talk...yes, I do that to God too. I am trying to slow down a bit though. I am trying to stop whining and asking all the time. I often feel like He isn't answering, but I am convinced He is, I am just not LISTENING.
But when I try to quiet the clamor in my head...man..that's tough. I feel my eyes flitting back and forth, even though I squeeze them shut. Little thoughts keep creeping in. "Gotta do this, oh yeah and that, and what are you making for dinner tonight and...hey! Are you hearing anything yet?" UGH. I even try envisioning us (me and Jesus) walking in a quiet meadow along a stream talking. OK it's corny..but there it is again..TALKING. Why, even in my heavenly imaginings can I not SHUT UP?
It's a good thing "Love is patient.."(1 Corinthians 13:4), and "God loves me" (too many to list) and "God knows me" (1 Corinthians 8:3). He is patient and knows I have this over-active dialogue in my head but that I want to hear what He is saying. So He waits.... He has much to tell me. Now if I could just find the off button on this thing....
The Bible tells us "Be still...and know I am God."(Psalm 46:10). I have the "know I am God" part down. It's the "Be still" part that I struggle with. Talk talk talk talk talk...yes, I do that to God too. I am trying to slow down a bit though. I am trying to stop whining and asking all the time. I often feel like He isn't answering, but I am convinced He is, I am just not LISTENING.
But when I try to quiet the clamor in my head...man..that's tough. I feel my eyes flitting back and forth, even though I squeeze them shut. Little thoughts keep creeping in. "Gotta do this, oh yeah and that, and what are you making for dinner tonight and...hey! Are you hearing anything yet?" UGH. I even try envisioning us (me and Jesus) walking in a quiet meadow along a stream talking. OK it's corny..but there it is again..TALKING. Why, even in my heavenly imaginings can I not SHUT UP?
It's a good thing "Love is patient.."(1 Corinthians 13:4), and "God loves me" (too many to list) and "God knows me" (1 Corinthians 8:3). He is patient and knows I have this over-active dialogue in my head but that I want to hear what He is saying. So He waits.... He has much to tell me. Now if I could just find the off button on this thing....
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