Easier said than done

I was in a training meeting tonight. One of the awesome things about this group I am working with is, they are so easy to share openly with. They are so REAL. I love you guys.

We had a lengthy discussion about turning things over to God. To be honest, it's so hard to do. We live in a world where we have to be in control. We have to see what needs to be done and do it. We have to get it right the first time. When we can't fix things (on our own) we are failures. We aren't supposed to need help.

When I accepted Christ, I was waiting in anticipation for the clouds to move aside, the sun to start shining, the halo to straighten, the bank account to be full and "hallelujah" to be sung down from the heavens.

It never happened.

My life didn't magically (or would it be more christian to say miraculously?) change. I was still the same old Tina, with the same old issues, the same old temper, the same old potty mouth, the same old bad habits. Interestingly enough, I learned, I'm not alone. WHAT!!?? Why wasn't this explained in the "10 things you need to know, now that you have accepted Christ" pamphlet? Here, I kept thinking I was doing something wrong. Maybe I wasn't "really" saved. Maybe I wasn't praying right. Maybe I wasn't reading the Bible enough. Maybe God is mad at me. Maybe I was just a failure. None of that was true.

God doesn't want us to do that. He doesn't want us to beat ourselves up. Most of all, He doesn't want us to do it all by ourselves. He loves us...all 600 (or 6000) itty bitty broken pieces of us. The cool thing is, he loves putting us back together! One little shard at a time. If we just give it over and let Him. I think maybe, I have been robbing myself of peace, and God of pleasure (or at least comedic relief) by wanting Him to do it NOW. ALL AT ONCE. FIX IT. Or even thinking I could do it myself. (Ha that's a joke in itself.)

Maybe that is what this walk with Christ is all about. It's a journey. When we let God fit one little piece back at a time, we actually get to BE the progress. We can see the work He has done in us, and be thankful for it. I can look back and say, "Hey, I wasn't like this before, but now I am. Praise the Lord!", and mean it.

I think He put a tiny piece in place tonight.

You see, I am a closet smoker. Well sort of. I am a closet CHRISTIAN smoker. My "regular" friends (not sure what regular friend even means but you get my point) I smoke around, but my church friends...Uh-uh no way. I hide it. I pretend I am all put together.
"It's all good folks, no brokenness here, no big ugly nasty habits, nothing to look at, move along".

Well I came out of the closet tonight with my training team. They helped me see that I am normal. I am a fallen human being with weaknesses. I should not feel ashamed. Most importantly they reminded me that I am still a child of God, who He loves dearly. (Even if He is shaking his head at me)
Eventually when Jesus gets me to the place where I can give my addiction to nicotine (and all the things I "love" about smoking) over to Him, and stop asking for His help with my fingers crossed behind my back, is when I will really get to see Him work.

Maybe someday I will be able to say I used to smoke. I am not sure I am ready for that...yet. But I can still praise Him right now, because He is changing me. I have a little more patience with myself, I don't fly off the handle as often, I cuss less frequently, my bank account is still empty and...I'm still no angel.

Tonight I feel better knowing, God doesn't love me any less while I... ahem, I mean we, work on getting to that point. And my true christian friends don't either.

So from now on, I am going to try giving things over to Him...over and over if I have to...with no fingers crossed. I'm nervous because it's easier said than done and there will always be something else waiting for Him to work on.

Ever had one of those days?

Have you ever just had "One of those days"? Well I had one today. The weather is crappy, cold and wet. The worst.
It seems like everything you touch just turns to....well you know. Conversations that didn't go well play over and over and OVER in your head, like a tape recorder. Only as you are replaying them, you are concocting different responses...the ones you really wanted to give. How do you turn that recorder off?
The kind of day when you go to eat and the restaurant is out of soup 2 hours after they open, and they are out of soap and towels in the bathroom.
The kind of day when you feed the animals in the mud, and that stupid coon dog that your husband HAD to get gets out. And she doesn't know her name (or listen to it at least) and is hightailing it all over the place IN THE DARK.
The kind of day when at 9pm you remember your kid needs a sack lunch for the field trip tomorrow and you have NOTHING in the house. Where are you going to get a Lunchable in this one horse town at that time of night?
Grrr.
It seems today if you look at me cross-eyed, I break into tears or full blown fury mode. I wish I could say it was exhaustion, but that's not it. Joe thinks it's PMS, but he blames everything on that...I think I will blame it on the moon, or the cold, or the rain...yeah yeah..that's the ticket. Blame it on the rain...isn't that a song?
Wow...feels kind of nice to get that off my chest. Maybe blogging is therapeutic....Thanks for listening (or not).

If you are a dog person...you'll love goats!

My sister says she's worried about me because I have a goat in my house. OK, I'll admit, it's not your typical house pet. But I can explain..

My Father in law owns a farm and about oh, I don't know, about 75 goats (among other things). One of the goat "mamas" had triplets and couldn't support all of them, so the little weak one was going to die. Well in my book, that is just unacceptable! So this silly little city girl brought him home when he was 1 week old. We named him Ivan. Of course, we only named him, so my dear husband could start calling him whatever nickname he dreamt up, like he does with everyone. So we don't call him Ivan, we call him Bitters, or Bitty (Like Itty Bitty). Don't ask, I don't understand it, but it stuck.

So Baby Bitters didn't know how to drink from a bottle, but after about a week of prying his mouth open and practically force feeding him, he got the idea. Then pneumonia struck. I thought I was going to lose him for sure. He was breathing so fast and it was so difficult for him. He was running a fever...yes I took his temp..THERE. (I am not sure I have even done that to my children!) The worst part is he stopped eating. I slept on the couch with him and got up in the night to try and get some Electrolyte solution in him. We gave him shots of penicillin. And I prayed....

Well Bitty is BACK!! A week later and he's like a new goat! He likes to climb on the back of my couch. He thinks he is really King of the mountain. I know you are probably thinking I am nuts. But really, if you could see him, he's like a little puppy, only better. He follows me everywhere, and calls out to me when he can't find me. "Maaa". Too cute. He loves to nuzzle my hand. He just rubs his face on me, and if I stop paying attention to him (or show any other animal attention) He paws at me. I love him to death. I want to keep him. NOT in the house of course. He is actually out in the barn right now. I keep him there during the day but he still comes in at night and sleeps in a dog kennel. After all the work and love I put into him, it seems it's all for naught. Tonight or tomorrow he has to go back to the FIL's farm. I don't want him to go. He will be sent to auction and will probably end up taco meat. I just can't stand even thinking about it. I don't know if you have ever been to a livestock auction, but he will be in the middle of that ring, all alone, crying out for me, confused and scared. All the farmers will be sizing him up, and because he is on the little side, he will be sold for slaughter. It's killing me. I know I can't keep every cute animal that crosses my path (well why not, now that I think about it?) But couldn't an exception be made? Can't we enlarge our grazing area so he could stay here? He could potentially reach 250lbs, but he's my baby. He follows me around, and if I were to keep him, he would only become tamer...right? I thought about starting a "Save the Bitters" rally, but it would only confirm my in-laws opinion that I have issues. Sigh.

Say a little prayer for Ivan to keep him safe, even when he leaves maaa, I mean me.

Small Towns

So I moved from a town of over 100,000 people to one that's population is 1,200. Wow.
Well I had these visions of Mayberry running through my head. It's not. Now, don't get me wrong, I am getting used to it. I am becoming accustomed to my bank receipts being hand written and my deposits not being made for 4 whole days. I am getting used to shopping in a family owned grocery store, even if I have to pay double compared to Wal-Mart. In fact, I am even getting used to driving 40 minutes TO Wal-Mart!
As I have taken trips around the country, I am always drawn to the scenic routes. You know, the ones that take you through small town America. I always got a sense that the community had pride in itself. That is partly what drew me to the town I now live in.
I heard a rumor recently that the "Political Powers" in my town don't want to improve it. They don't want to dress up the town square. They don't want to encourage the townsfolk to clean up their yards. They don't want new business opportunities. Why, you ask? Apparently they don't want people from "the outside" to come here. They don't like it when new people (ahem..like me) move here. Our town is dying. Though I read stories in the weekly newspaper of a once living breathing town with several restaurants, a movie theatre, and even a drugstore, this is no longer the case. This town could have alot to offer. There are 7 churches that I can think of off the top of my head. The school is terrific with teachers that really care for the students. It's in the middle of beautiful farmland. Can it really be that they fear they will lose their small town charm if they spruce up? I can't understand it. Do you live in a small town? Any ideas?

Am I really doing this??

Wow..a blog. Who cares what I have to say on a daily basis? Even my husband tunes out my random ramblings, why would anyone else give a hoot?

Well the reason I am starting this, is I am a life-ling suburbanite that recently moved to the country. As I share my "Green Acres" adventures with my friends they crack up and tell me I should write this stuff down. Yes, sometimes it's funny. Sometimes it's sad. Sometimes..it's just random.

So I am trying this out, and we'll see how it goes. I am hoping that the questions that pop into my head at times, will be things I can post. I like to hear what other people think.


A little about me. I have 3 children. I love to cook. I am dreaming of being financially independent someday..ha ha. I love animals. I became a Christian almost 2 years ago, and I am learning everyday. That is actually the source of this blog's title. There is a Johnny Cash song about a woman that loves the Lord, and with life happening all around her, and the mistakes that she makes, she is making about a half a mile a day in her journey toward heaven. I feel like that most days, and the song really stuck with me, so there you have it!


OK, well this has been short and I hope to make this site a place to for others to talk, ask questions, laugh, learn and share. If you read this far...well..thanks.